The truth is in the energy
“Nothing will ever change through aggression... When we hold on to our opinions with aggression, no matter how valid our cause, we are simply adding more aggression to the planet, and violence and pain increase. The way to stop the war is to stop hating the enemy.” — Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart
These are turbulent times. Every time we think we’re maybe, finally, once again standing on solid ground, there’s another seismic shift.
Many of us are earnestly trying to Follow the Science™, but it seems to be leading us deeper and deeper into a labyrinth. We don’t know what’s at the center. We didn’t think to drop bread crumbs until we were already in too deep, so it’s hard to know where we are or how we got here.
Some of us have fallen away from the rest of the group and find ourselves isolated and disoriented, separated from our friends and peers by towering walls. We shout to each other, try to echolocate. But the confusion only grows, and with it, the fear.
Will we ever find our way back to each other? Will we ever find our way home?
In times like this, it’s natural to want to arm ourselves with facts and information and Very Strong Opinions. And I do mean arm ourselves. We polish and sharpen them, hurl them like weapons at those we blame for the pervasive sense of precariousness, the ambient terror. And our preferred media outlets keep the ammunition coming: Those people over there are making you unsafe!
It’s the migrant caravan, or the hordes of MAGA anti-vaxxers, or the police, or BLM. When we feel unsafe, and we know who to blame, we can justify nearly anything. So now, along with fear and confusion, there’s another energy all around us: balls-to-the-wall anger and aggression.
This is not a soothing stew.
Here’s what I’d like to propose. Just for a minute, just for however long it takes to read this newsletter, let’s lay down the facts and information and Very Strong Opinions (all of which keep changing anyway) and simply... notice the energy.
At a backyard gathering last spring, my friend Ellen said something I keep thinking about: The truth is in the energy.
For most of her life, Ellen had issues with not knowing where she stopped and other people began. She had an uncanny ability to pick up what others were feeling and thinking, but it often meant she lost herself and couldn’t figure out what she thought.
To gain some clarity, she began to work with a healer who taught her how to redirect her over-empathic tendencies. Now, instead of merging with people and situations, Ellen has learned to observe them from an energetic point of view. Her teacher showed her that people and conversations and events have energetic signatures that reveal the truth far more readily than their words.
I thought about this in the wake of the incident during Pride here in Minneapolis, when City Councilwoman Andrea Jenkins was surrounded and trapped in her car by a mob of people insisting she sign their list of demands related to the sustained closure of George Floyd Square.
They were ostensibly calling for peace and justice. But they were doing it with tactics of intimidation and dominance, targeting a trans Black woman, later insisting the episode was in no way violent or aggressive. The whole thing left me feeling unsettled and vaguely gaslit.
I emailed Ellen and asked her to tell me more about truth being in the energy. Here’s part of what she wrote:
Unlike words, energy generally doesn't lie or misdirect or obfuscate. And reading it is not all that mysterious, even if one isn't particularly empathetic. The mob that surrounded Jenkins, for example, had violent mob energy. That has a specific flavor and feel no matter what people are saying when they're broadcasting it, even if said people are claiming to be on the side of peace and justice. There was not one peaceful thing about holding a city council member hostage in her car and forcing her to say things she didn't believe. Major incoherence.
Not only is this incoherence something we feel, it's often perfectly visible. In the Jenkins case, it was in the physical act of blocking the car, the hostile insistence that she was not free to go until she agreed to their demands. During the insurrection at the Capitol, it was in the people shitting in the building while claiming they were there out of respect for the sacred integrity of elections. The energy of those confrontations could never lead to their stated goals. Energetic mismatches are not always this obvious, but you get the idea.
...The more healed we are, the better readers we become, and the more we can use that power for good instead of being buffeted around on energetic tides without being able to ground ourselves in the here and now, which is the only place positive change is really made.
This is not a one-stop shop, as you can imagine. But trusting the energy first is a good place to start.
I keep coming back to this as I reflect on the conversation unfolding around unvaccinated people. The cartoons in the Star Tribune editorial section. The memes, the gleeful sharing of news of people who resisted vaccination suffering and dying, the name-calling, the dehumanizing caricatures of what is actually a diverse (in every sense) group of our fellow humans.
The toxicity could be seen from space. All this in the name of health and wellbeing and collective action for the common good! Talk about an energetic mismatch. Talk about major incoherence.
Ostensibly, many of the folks heaping scorn and loathing on the unvaccinated are doing so out of a desire to protect their own health and that of their families. An understandable and worthy goal. And one that can be much better served by cultivating feelings of goodwill and compassion. Don’t take it from me. Take it from the Mayo Clinic.
Kindness is the opposite of stress from a physiological perspective, including in its impact on the immune system. Literally, even if your only goal is keeping yourself healthy, nurturing feelings of compassion toward others is a good, protective way to go. And much more firmly within your control than the personal medical decisions of other people.
And to the extent that you can influence the personal medical decisions of other people? Experts in this kind of thing will tell you time and time again that the most effective tools you can use are listening, empathy, and respect.
And when your ability to influence others inevitably hits a wall, the only thing left to do is to come back to your own nervous system and nurture feelings of safety and softness.
I have to remind myself of this all the time. Look at me here, trying to influence you, dear reader. I have a near-constant urge to climb onto the nearest chair and tell everyone around me to calm the f*ck down and be nice. As you might guess, my powers of persuasion in this regard are limited.
So my resolution is this. I’ll do what I can, within my power. I’ll make my case, while trying my damndest to take responsibility for the energy I bring into my interactions, online and off. I’ll ignore the powerful voices with profit-driven incentives to keep me outraged and afraid. I’ll resist the age-old instinct to find someone to scapegoat and blame when I’m feeling scared.
Instead, I’ll make the selfish choice to nourish seeds of lovingkindness in and for myself — noticing my desire to change others, noticing my frustration that I can’t, holding compassion for all of it. And then I’ll ripple that energy outward, with everything I’ve got.
I promise, it feels better.
Brain Food
Really loving Valarie Kaur's book See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love. “'Revolutionary love' is the choice to enter into wonder and labor for others, for our opponents, and for ourselves in order to transform the world around us. It is not a formal code or prescription but an orientation to life that is personal and political and rooted in joy. Loving only ourselves is escapism; loving only our opponents is self-loathing; loving only others is ineffective. All three practices together make love revolutionary, and revolutionary love can only be practiced in community.”
Also really digging this newsletter I signed up for, Tangle. It unpacks a big issue of the day each day, with summaries of the strongest perspectives on it from both the left and the right. It's a handy, interesting way to burst your own media bubble and consider news of the day in a more nuanced, well-rounded way.
One last note about rage directed at the unvaccinated. I found this op-ed by Sarah Smarsh in the New York Times to be so thoughtful, persuasive, and illuminating. Check it out.
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